The Weekly Word
by Jacqueline King
Summary: Rita Skeeter's taken up a new gossip column in the Witch's Weekly, and is having a good old time ratting out the different members of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The only question is, is she right? contains suggested slash R&R please!
1. Hogwarts Hubbies?

The Weekly Word: Hogwarts Hubbies?

By Rita Skeeter

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. And how far apart are the Slytherin and Gryffindor houses? To most, they are like polar opposites.

For centuries on end, the two rivaling houses of Hogwarts have been competing in more ways than the yearly-awarded House Cup and Quiditch Cup. The Gryffindor house is a courageous bunch who relay heavily on friendship and honor. The Slytherin house believes in pureblooded students and power. It's hard to think that these two founders of the school could have once been friends. But, as they say, opposites attract.

There has always been a sense of fighting for honor between these students, and this generation of wizards is not to be excluded.

Meet Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. He is one of the pride and joy of the Gryffindor house; the most famous Gryffindor since Albus Dumbledore. For years the youth and his countless brushes with He Who Must Not Be Named have fascinated the world. Though each time he seems to come out on top, what is left is a boy filled with pain and dark secrets.

I had the opportunity to meet Harry in his 4th year at Hogwarts during the Triwizard Tournament. I can honestly say that he opened up to me more than anyone he'd met previously. At only 14 this boy was already emotionally scarred by the dark wizarding world. Three years later, we can only imagine the devastation after the death of Albus Dumbledore and countless deaths during the Final Duel of he and You-Know-Who.

On the opposite end, meet Draco Malfoy, son of one of the Ministry's most respected contributors, Lucius Malfoy. The highly regarded pureblood family is still shrouded in mystery with the dealings of the Dark Lord. It still has not been confirmed if Lucius was in fact a Death Eater, his son a counterpart. Draco is the last remaining Malfoy to carry on the family name and the pureblood bloodline.

These two boys of seventeen were enemies from the get-go, but time does change things. It would seem that these two attractive opposites would each be a ladies' man in their reputable houses. Most are aware of Potter's interest in the daughter of Ministry of Magic's Arthur Weasley. But inside sources at Hogwarts have reported that the popular couple has, since Christmas, broken up. It is also known that Malfoy has stopped his slightly promiscuous reputation in the Slytherin house.

Perhaps a bit of competition between these long-term enemies resulted in something more? It is unsure, but we can say that there has been some suspicion rising among the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The Weekly Word can only report that, there are some strange things happening at Hogwarts. Could it be a story like that of the Muggle's Romeo and Juliet?

Only time, and the next issue of the Weekly Word can tell!

* * *

Hermione threw the magazine upon the hall table with a growl. Her face was purple as one of the turnips dangling from Luna's ears. She sat at the Gryffindor house table alongside Ron, Neville, and Luna. Harry had not come down from the dormitory yet that day, and Hermione was thankful for it. If he'd seen the article, he'd probably be cursing Malfoy into oblivion within seconds. Ron eyed Hermione through a mouthful of toast. "Whry do yer read dat stuff?" he mumbled before swallowing with a loud gulp. "It only makes you look like Harry's uncle and then go on a rant about how Rita Skeeter should be in Azkaban for her violations and, well, I can't remember everything you go on about."

Hermione glared. "Read this one." She pushed the glossy cover over to Ron. He flipped through Witch's Weekly till he got to the column Rita Skeeter had picked up after her failing book on Albus Dumbledore. Ron wrinkled his nose at the little picture that went with the article. It was a picture of a snake wrapped around the Gryffindor lion. His eyes continued to get wider and wider as he scanned over the short editorial. By the time he was done, he was the color of Hermione.

"That's disgusting," he muttered, still shocked from the article.

"Don't believe any of that rubbish Skeeter writes," Neville said angrily. "She's just trying to get attention and reviews."

"Yes, and she had the nerve to ask my father if she could write for him!" Luna declared, her large doe eyes looking only as outraged as the strange girl could. Ron elbowed Hermione before she could go on about what she thought of the Quibiler.

"Be nice," he muttered under his breath. Hermione huffed.

"What's this one going on about anyways?" Neville asked, eyeing the magazine with distaste.

"It's suggesting Harry and Malfoy are having a secret love affair," Hermione said, a blush creeping up around her face. "Which not only is disturbing but completely improbable! They _hate _each other!"

"Moving on," Ron said loudly, making all of them give him a strange look. He nodded his head towards the Slytherin table. Quickly, the three other pairs of eyes focused on the house table. Draco Malfoy was holding a copy of Witch's Weekly in his hands that appeared to have been supplied by Pansy Parkinson. She was looking like she could wrestle with a hippogriff and win. Malfoy's eyes were staring straight at the small group. Neville gulped, but Ron, Hermione and Luna caught the glint in his eye that said he was considering the idea of dueling Malfoy. Since the Final Battle, as it had been dubbed, Neville had grown to be far more daring.

Ron cleared his throat and asked casually, "So, why do you even bother paying to read that git's writing?"

"Well, Ginny sort of got me hooked on the monthly "Hexes for Exes"," Hermione admitted, the blush back on her face. Her eyes widened at the look of horror on Ron's face. "Not that I'd use them on… I mean… I'd _love _to try them out on someone like the likes of Malfoy." Ron smirked, Luna giggled and Neville gave a grim smile.

Ginny had stopped spending time with all of them lately. Since she and Harry had gotten into a fight during the winter holidays, the whole thing felt very awkward. Both had not spoken about the reason behind the fight. No one pressed the issue. Ginny was torn up about it, and Harry was living in his own cloud of moodiness. Whenever conversation turned to the youngest Weasley, things tended to become awkward.

Just as the silence was lasting a little too long, a voice from behind them said, "Morning." All eyes turned to Harry, who was looking groggy and a little disgruntled. The awkwardness was even worse at this unexpected entrance. Hermione grabbed the magazine too quickly to keep it rolled up in her lap. Harry raised a dark eyebrow. "Hermione, what are you trying to hide?" he mumbled as he sat down to pour himself a cup of pumpkin juice.

"Rita Skeeter wrote and article about you and Malfoy having a cloak-and-dagger love life," Luna replied easily, taking a casual sip of milk.

Harry began to gag in mid swing of his pumpkin juice. Ron gave him a heavy smack on the back, making the juice fly over the table. Harry didn't seem to care, however. "_What?!?" _

"Skeeter's got nothing better to do, mate," Ron sighed. "So she decides to write about gossip in Hogwarts. I hate to think what my mum thinks of it…"

Everyone at the table cringed.

Harry was looking very green. Hermione patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. "Oh, don't worry Harry," she insisted. "Malfoy's just as mortified. It's not like he can hold it against you." Harry eyed the Slytherin table where Malfoy was staring back at him with anger. Harry glared back and stood up suddenly.

"I've got to go ask Hagrid about… something," he mumbled and left the hall. Hermione wasn't the only one who noticed the uncomfortable flush around his neck. Ron scratched his shoulder thoughtfully. Luna's eyes were tracking Malfoy, who had left the hall too.

"'Ello kids," came a booming voice from behind them. Neville, Ron, Luna and Hermione, turned around with a jump. Hagrid loomed over them, smiling happily through his ragged beard.

The four friends exchanged glances, before Luna said cheerfully, "Hello Hagrid!"


	2. Toads and Scones

**The Weekly Word: Toads and Scones**

_By Rita Skeeter_

For years toads have been regarded as a great starter pet for any witch or wizard. These days, however, they have declined greatly in popularity. No one is quite sure for why this fail in interest from the general youth.

This is why when you see a toad these days you remember who owns it. I may even be as bold to say you remember that this person is a bit _behind the times._ Toads are, however, very smart and loyal things despite their now lack of faith from buyers and pet owners.

No one else can prove this more than Neville Longbottom. His toad, Trevor, has stayed with him since his first year of Hogwarts. This makes his toad eight years old, an incredibly high age for such an animal. Neville returned to Hogwarts School for one more year due to the circumstances of his last year at Hogwarts so he could peruse a career of herbology. Returning with him was Trevor the toad.

Perhaps Trevor is a lucky omen to Longbottom who just barely past his previous seven years at Hogwarts. The lucky toad also may have given Longbottom a little bit of confidence to pursue a very off-limits person in a deep relationship.

Last issue readers were shocked at the knowledge of the (slightly questionable) relationship between Potter and Malfoy. But there has been a confirmed report of Neville sitting in the Hogsmeade shop of Madam Puddifoot's with Ginny Weasley. The person who claims to have seen this (apart from wishing to remain anonymous) reported that they were "Locked in a sweet embrace while Ginny cried her eyes out". This was around the same time that Harry Potter had allegedly left her to pursue a relationship with Draco Malfoy.

It seems that Hogwarts is having a free for all. How can these friends possibly stay together with the knowledge of such a betrayal? Potter and Malfoy was one thing, but Longbottom and Weasley?

Perhaps we'll find they can pull themselves together. Find out in the next issue of The Weekly Word!

**Responses to the Last Issue of The Weekly Word: Hogwarts Hubbies?**

**How could Harry simply forsake his relationship with Ginny? They had SO MUCH. And why would he go for DRACO? I hope they are all reading this and know how sick and wrong it is to be doing this! Thank you Rita, for letting the world see the true side of Potter.**

**- Cassie from Essex**

**It's all a ploy to get Ginny to say she misses Harry. Then Harry will drop Malfoy like a used portkey. **

**Yolanda from Ipswich**

**Why can't Harry and Malfoy speak for themselves? You should interview them; otherwise everyone could be making false assumptions. What if they're just friends?**

**I think you're honestly blowing this out of proportion Rita. **

**- Name and Address Disclosed**

* * *

"She strikes again." Ron muttered disgustedly as he strode into the common room late Saturday morning. It'd been a week since the last gossip column had caused all of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to be turned upside down and inside out with confusion. Harry wasn't showing himself.

No one, not even Ron or Hermione, knew exactly if the article on him and Malfoy having a secret relationship was true. Ron had tried to confront Harry, and all that had happened was a big row.

Harry had been sitting on his dormitory bed, reading a book with the curtains pulled tightly around the four-poster. Ron leaned against the post, not saying anything for a moment as he collected his thoughts.

"What do you want, Ron?" Harry finally snapped from the other side of the curtain.

"I just wanted to see if you were all right, mate," Ron muttered defensively, taking a step away from Harry's bed. "I just feel like we should… I dunno, talk about whatever the bloody hell is happening."

"I got publicly—no, _internationally_humiliated, and labeled a queer. That's what's happening." Ron had never heard Harry snap at him like this. No, that was a lie. He had heard him yell like this before, when they were hunting the horrcruxes. When Ron had left.

"I just thought maybe you… would tell me and Hermione if there was something—"

"Oh, bloody hell Ron. Are you saying you actually believe Rita Skeeter?" The curtains were thrown back and Harry was standing there, fuming and his fists clenched. Ron took a careful step backwards, his eyes wide at the look on Harry's face.

"I just was going to say that you should be able to talk to your best friends, no matter what it is. It'd be nice if you'd just come out and tell us if you're snogging Malfoy or not!"

That set it off. Both wizards forgot that wands existed as Harry took a good swing at Ron's face. Ron retaliated, and five minutes later when Hermione pulled them apart with tears streaming down her face both were going to have bruises for a while.

"The both of you, just stop!" she cried, her voice trembling with the effort to keep control. "Harry, we just want to know what's going on with you! Just tell us the truth!"

"I didn't ask for you two to be such brownnosers. Leave me alone!" Harry shouted back. Hermione flicked her wand, making the freezing charm stop on Ron's part. She headed for the door, Ron followed behind. Just before the frizzy haired girl slammed the door, she undid her charm on Harry as well.

Since then, Harry had refused to talk to anybody about anything.

Hermione sat in the common room, doing homework every one knew she didn't need to do. They were back at Hogwarts only so they could complete their needed years to move on. In some senses, they were only there for the comfort the school provided. Hogwarts was home. Hogwarts was where things… however much they had changed, could still be somewhat normal. It gave the three time to collect themselves and move on. To the right of Hermione's never-ending stack of books was a letter from George.

"Was that for me?" Ron asked as he threw Hermione the copy of Witch's Weekly and picked up the parchment.

"It was addressed to all three of us," Hermione said before her nose fell into the glossy pages of the magazine.

The letter read:

_Dear Harry, Ron and Hermione,_

_Mum got a hold of that article and is going bonkers. She won't stop talking about how evil Skeeter is. I think you all better try and talk with her, before she gets out of hand. I don't like this business with her either, but it's really not her place, is it? Anyways, hope things turn out all right._

_George_

_PS_

_Malfoy, Harry? Honestly, I'd have thought you'd do better than that if you were going to stray from the straight line._

Ron was deeply thankful that Hermione hadn't let Harry read this. It was clear George saw it as a joke. Harry was not taking it so lightly. It was nice to see George joking again, though. It'd been months since he'd cracked a smile.

"Oh, Merlin's beard," Hermione screeched as she finished the gossip column. She stood up, knocking over her thick volumes without a care and walked determinedly towards the boy's dormitories.

"Hermione!" Ron called after her, but she was already parading up the steps, hollering all the way.

"Stop acting like such a misunderstood martyr, Harry! You're not the only one that Rita rags on so get your carcass out of bed and start sucking it up! Rita's said way worse about you, and you still went on living!"

She threw the door open to the seventh year dorm, and wished she hadn't.

"Hermione!"

"I'M SORRY!"

Ron heard the slam of the dorm door from the common room, and knew that life had gotten even _more_complicated within the last fifteen seconds.

* * *

Downstairs in the Great Hall, Neville and Ginny sat across from each other over a breakfast of jelly and scones, chatting happily about next week's trip to Hogsmeade.

* * *

_A/N - You guys got me started, and now I can't stop! This will be only seven chapters, mk? That should be enough time for you guys to figure out what happens! Wonderful Journey should be updated soon... maybe. - JC out. _


	3. Double Trouble

**Author's Ramble:** Guess who's actually posting? =O So I don't know if I'll be getting to seven chapters anymore, but this is certainly fun to mess with Hogwarts. -evilsmile- Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed.

**Note: **This is satire. How do you think the gang would feel seeing themselves thrown together in slash pairings? Yeah, hopefully something like this...

* * *

**The Weekly Word: Double Trouble**

**By: Rita Skeeter**

Fred and George Weasley: the dynamic duo. Their miraculous departure from Hogwarts the year Dorlas Umbridge began her iron-hold on the school will be remembered for years to come. Tragically, when the twins returned to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, it would be Fred's last visit. The Final Battle raged within the school for hours, and many renowned witches and wizards lost their lives. Among them, Fred Weasley perished within the fight.

What can life be like after you loose a twin? For George Weasley, a piece of him was lost. But how big was that piece?

Those who knew the twins understood that you could not have one without the other. Never once were they seen apart. In this day and age, the idea of two brothers constantly getting along is a miracle at most. How was it that these two were able to spend days together and still get along? Had anyone ever seen them argue?

The relationship they had suggests a deeper meaning to an outsider. The words George Weasley spoke at his brother's funeral only adds towards suspicion, "He was my partner in crime, my best friend, my get-away driver, and my brother."

Were there perhaps a few family secrets that died with Fred Weasley? Perhaps a hidden agenda in his relationship with his brother, George Weasley? This is Rita Skeeter, for the Weekly Word!

**Responses to the Last Issue of the Weekly Word: Toads and Scones**

**Maybe Longbottom's just is trying to comfort Ginny. If my boyfriend were cheating on me with another GUY I'd sure want to be comforted. Good for you Ginny!**

**Bertha from Liverpool**

**Why haven't you talked more about HARRY AND DRACO??? What's going on with THEM? I mean, you said at the end of the article that you'd find out more!**

**Chelsea from London**

**Okay, this one's better than the last one, but still, Rita. You're starting to push your luck.**

**- Name and Address Disclosed

* * *

  
**

"But I hadn't meant to walk in on that," Hermione insisted, tears streaming down her face as she finally told Ginny what had happened those few nights ago when she'd ran upstairs to tell Harry about the article. Ginny had read it too, and was not speaking to anyone but Hermione and Neville, and neither of them talked about Skeeter.

"No one would want to walk in on that, Hermione," Ginny mumbled. She didn't like talking about Harry, even in passing. She was hurt beyond belief from all that was going around.

"I-I'm sorry I'm telling you this. It must be really… well… awkward…" Hermione mumbled, blushing at her stupidity. She shouldn't be talking to _anyone _about finding Harry in his dorm doing…

"All boys do it, Hermione. I can't tell you how many times I've walked in on Ron," Ginny said, her face filled with disgust. Hermione turned scarlet, her eyes widening to the point where Ginny knew she shouldn't have said that. "Er…"

The two Gryffindor girls were seated in the common room. It was early, so not many other students had come down yet. The hype over Rita's article had made Ginny avoid the general student body, especially Gryffindor students to the point where she would go to bed early and wake up even earlier. Hermione had not been able to deal with Ron on her own, and there was no hope for getting to Harry now. But suddenly, the common room door burst open making them both jump. (Though, Hermione was very glad for this sudden noise to act as a topic change.)

Harry came stomping in, the notorious Witch's Weekly clutched in his hands. His knuckles were white. The dark haired boy stared at Ginny for a second, before turning to Hermione. He threw the article at her before saying loudly, "I don't care what she's writing about us anymore. But this has gone too far." He turned back to Ginny, who was staring at one of the embroidered pillows she clutched tightly. "I just wish people would start being honest if all of this is true or not."

"Maybe you should start, then," Hermione said icily. She flipped through until she found the column. She didn't even need to read the article. The frizzed haired girl stood quickly and headed towards her dorm. "Harry, go to the Owlery. I'll get dress, and then I'm going to talk to the headmistress. And whatever you do, _don't tell Ron." _

She was gone before Harry could say anymore.

Ginny looked down at the magazine, her eyes wide as she saw a picture of her older brothers playfully punching each other. Tears began to well in her eyes. How could anyone do that to Fred and George? "Rita doesn't have a soul, does she?" she growled and stood up as well. Harry watched her with a calculated gaze. "Don't just stare at me!" she cried suddenly. "You don't think I'm mad at you not telling me anything? I'm furious! Sure, we broke up! But we both agreed that it was just for now. Just to get people to get off of our backs. Maybe because we were fighting too, and just needed a breather. But if you actually want me back, you're going to have to be at least honest to me. I can't believe you won't talk to anyone. Ron and Hermione care about y—

"Maybe Rita's right about some things she's saying."

The crackle of the fire became the only noise in the common room.

"W-what?"

"You care about Neville, right?"

"Y-yes… he's my friend. But… Harry…"

"I know. I'm not snogging Malfoy, Ginny. I swear to you. But after everything, he's half the reason I'm still alive. What with his wand… and he tried to save us when we were captured by his dad. I'm trying to understand why he did it. I'm trying to see if we could be friends. Apparently that's a crime around here."

The seventh year left the flabbergasted redhead standing in the middle of the common room, as he left through the portrait hole once more.

* * *

When Hermione made her way out of the castle towards the Owelry, she reviewed in her head everything Rita had so far wrote about in her gossip column. Harry and Malfoy, Ginny and Neville, Fred and George… What was the pattern? Like any good puzzle, there had to be a pattern.

Obviously the first pattern was romance. Rita was having a field day of devising her own sick little pairings between a number of…

Gryffindors. That was the second pattern.

But not just any Gryffindor. It was Gryffindors who fought at the Final Battle, and did the most memorable damage. Was it just for a juicier story?

Hermione was so wrapped up in her thoughts she almost ran smack into another student.

"I'm so sorry!" She immediately cried as she narrowly sidestepped the other student, turning her head back to see whom it was.

"Watch it Granger."

"Oh. Never mind then."

She was not about to apologize to Draco Malfoy. She took a half step forward, then turned around suddenly to see that Malfoy hadn't moved. She'd expected to see a smirk from the Slytherin. Instead he was watching her with guarded eyes. The witch opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again and finally blurted:

"What were you and Harry just doing?"

She hadn't missed that Malfoy had come from the Owelry. She was supposed to meet Harry there right now. Hermione could put two and two together, after all. Or had these two forgotten that?

"What gets your knickers in a twist more, Granger? Me and him banging each other, or just being friends? I'm curious."

Well, then Malfoy could be curious with his hand cursed down his pants.

_"Expelliarmus_!"

Hermione's wand flew from her hand before she could utter the curse that would have Malfoy spending the rest of the weekend attempting to pull his hand out of his trousers. From the slope leading up the Owelry came two people. One of which she was expecting to see, the other of which she'd rather not see.

The one who'd drawn their wand was Harry. "Hermione, leave him alone," he sighed. "We were just talking."

Hermione's eyes fell to the fourth person among the group.

"We were discussing what to do with Skeeter," George confirmed, his eyes dark and stony. "It's one thing to mess with Malfoy."

"Hey."

"Shut up, you git," George sniped back. Malfoy glared away begrudged. "But it's a whole other thing to mess with the memory of my brother."

"So… so what are you doing here?" Hermione asked, breathless. She'd talked to Professor McGonagall about all this, and as Headmistress she decided to confiscate Witch Weeklies as for now. What more could they do from school? They had to finish up their seventh year, it's not like they could hunt Skeeter down…

"I figured it was time we found out who's been telling Skeeter all this stuff," George answered simply. "Someone's been snooping around here, finding out things that should be private."

"Wait… wait…" Hermione's head was about to explode from all this. Did this mean some of it was true? Were they trying to get Rita to keep quiet? "Does that m—"

"BLOODY HELL NO!"

It was a mixed answer from all three at the same time, but to the same effect.

"Potter and I have a mutual agreement not to kill each other on sight," Malfoy muttered, attempting vainly to regain some of his composure. Hermione couldn't understand what he was trying to protect his ego for. It wasn't like it meant much to her.

"I'm trying not to bear grudge, Hermione," Harry said, glaring at blond nonetheless. "We've just talked. It's nothing… weird. It's just… if anyone saw us it'd be such a big…"

"So you've been lying to me and Ron so you can shoot the breeze with Malfoy, then?" Hermione was all but fuming. "Harry this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen you do! How can your… your _conversations _be worth Skeeter pulling your name through the mud and you being the laughing stock of the entire school?!"

"He's already been there before, hasn't he?" Malfoy sneered, leaning against the wall of the Owelry tower. "When he became friends with you and Weasley, when he was thought to be Slytherin's heir nobody got near him, when everybody thought he'd put his own name in the Goblet of Fire and proceeded to feed Skeeter his sob story, when no one believed him that the Dark Lord was back and he was a raving looney, when he started talking to Luna Lovegood… the list goes on."

"Thanks Malfoy," Harry said. "It's nice to know we've gotten so far in developing a friendship that you can forget all about how much of an idiot you used to think I was."

"Don't mention it."

Hermione put her head in her hands.

George had stepped back from the conversation, watching idly as he bewitched a slug to tap dance. It did a twirl as he spun his wand. "Look, I don't care anymore if you two are ready to declare your love to the Queen," he said, his eyes not leaving the sight of the dancing slug. "What the problem's become, is that someone's snooping around our business and blowing it out of proportion. Someone knows you two are sneaking out to "_talk"_. Someone knows Neville and Ginny are going to Hogsmeade together. And someone knows what I said at Fred's funeral. That was a private funeral. No one should know what I said there but our family and _friends_."

"It could just be Skeeter," Hermione interjected, unable to stop herself. "She's an animagus, after all."

"Didn't you put a damper on that one, Hermione?" Harry said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, but…"

"Skeeter's not that clever, Granger," Malfoy interrupted to the surprise of the witch. "I was the one telling her half those things about you lot. She prefers having someone do her dirty work for her."

"Then we've got a snitch," Hermione said, her jaw setting.

"Not for long," George said with a wicked grin. The slug did a back flip and landed on the wall of the Owelry. It began inching its way upward as the unlikely group made their way up to the castle.


End file.
